Cinnamon Rolls

I stumbled across Tomboy Style.

According to the blog, here are some of the essentials and idols:

GEAR: Bean boots; Patagonia

ICON: Joan Baez; Sofia Coppola

CONTEMPORARY: Audrey Tatou; Alexa Chung

Now I realize I am not so original after all and merely just a tomboy, haha.

;)

I really do like Sofia Coppola though, and here's her interview with Terry Gross in which she talks about her latest film "Somewhere." I've read it has many similarities to "Lost in Translation," which is one of my favorite movies. However, I'm realizing I should stop reading reviews in general until after I actually see a film, as it sometimes skews my own view... but I haven't gone to the movies lately! 

California on my mind

"It seems like the wrath of the gods got a punch on the nose

And it's startin' to flow, I think I might be sinkin"

My cup runneth over

My starter is active!! I'm attempting to make sourdough bread from scratch so the first thing I had to do was make a 'mother', or starter, in which wild yeast grows. I thought it was a failure because I've been waiting a couple of days now for the bubbling action to take place. I know it looks like a really gross blob but I'm so excited that it's bubbled and even poofed over, which indicates that so far it's a success (and that the bread will rise). Now I've got to 'proof' it overnight before I can begin baking. Hopefully it works!

I've been catching up on some of my New Yorker issues, and these articles in particular have been so interesting to read. One is a profile on Chef April Bloomfield of The Spotted Pig. I love the part when she asks, "Who's that golfer dude you made me meet?" And her business partner replies, "He's not a golfer. He's Kobe Bryant." Wouldn't you love to do something for a living that you're passionate about and not give a crap about who hates or loves it?

Also of note in the same issue, the following piece on Sandor Katz and the underground food movement. All kinds of yummy topics-- from organic dumpster divers to sauerkraut and raw milk.

White Winter Weekend in Niagara Wine Country

I am a Pisces (is that a correct usage of language?) or at least I used to be. It's an appropriate sign for me, as it pretty much accurately describes my personality. I am sensitive, imaginative, unworldly, and melancholic. I'm misunderstood. I'm behind-the-scenes, I don't like the spotlight. I am internally conflicted, swimming in opposite directions. I am mutable!!

But under the new zodiac change, I am now an Aquarius, whose qualities are almost the complete opposite of me. I'm no longer passive? Eccentric? Clear and logical?? This water carrier is a stranger to me! Can I learn to embrace my new sign? After all, I think it is about time to stop being a dreamer. But I'm not sure if I like everything I'm reading. Some of the health problems that Aquarians are susceptible to include diarrhea, goiter, and my favorite-- delirium tremens. That would be alcohol withdrawal. Hmmm.

Regardless of what sign I really am, here's some of my Piscean creativity coming out. Please enjoy listening to my playlist.

"I need someone to love me the whole day through. Ah, one look in my eyes and you can tell that's true."

You know that scene in Annie Hall when Alvy reverts to his childhood bumper car-driving days in a Los Angeles parking lot after his breakup with Annie is finalized? Or in The Wrestler, when Mickey Rourke's character Randy, at the height of his frustration and embarrassment at being recognized as "The Ram" at his deli job, jams the meat slicer and cuts his hand open, makes a huge scene and quits his job at the same time? Well, I can't say that something like that happened to me... but it came pretty darn close.

Two nights ago, I blacked out in the bathroom. I didn't lose consciousness, but I was extremely dizzy and also couldn't see or hear anything for about 5 minutes. I'm not sure what happened really, but I eventually found myself on the couch, with a trail of blood coming from the bathroom and the back of my head a bloody mess.

I don't know how exactly I ended up with a 2-inch gash on the back side of my head, but it seems like I ran with full force into the wall, bounced back and forth from wall to toilet and landed my head on a sharp corner of the cabinet under the sink. Looking back, I should have gotten stitches. But I have to admit, I was a bit intoxicated and understandably embarrassed. So, Neil wrapped a towel around a frozen piece of meat and placed it on the back of my head, and off to bed I went.

What is going on??

It has not been an easy year. On the outside, everything appears to be pretty good. I'm at a place where I should be at this point in my life. I just don't understand why then it feels like everything is wrong.

It was 16 years ago today that my mom decided to take her own life. That irrevocable act cast a dark shadow of sadness over our lives that permeates even the sunniest of days. Needless to say, things have been very unstable for the people she left behind-- my grandparents, my sister and myself. Since then, we have moved to California to Toronto to the Philippines to New York and back and forth from place to place-- all in attempts to find the best life possible given the circumstance. I don't quite see an end to this transient way of life just yet-- as my desire to keep what's left of this nuclear family together trumps my desire to never set foot inside an airplane again-- but I certainly yearn for some peace and stability.

I'm hesitating to write this post, but I realize that the opportunity to share these thoughts in daily life is rare. So I'll take these few moments to reflect and share with whoever it may be that is reading this right now.

I'll be attending another funeral this coming week. This will be the fourth funeral in the last four months. As my grandfather noted, the year of the Tiger has been filled with a lot of death and loss.

Life is truly short (although it feels so long sometimes). And it's too short to not be happy.

I can't tell whether I'm propelling myself further into an early midlife crisis or simply just reevaluating everything. Either way, I sure got a kick in the head.